All of Amir's childhood, he feels as though he is responsible for the death of his mother, and that his father hates him for it. Although Amir's father loves him, he doesn't show it in the ways that a normal father does. He isn't loving, gentle or proud, and because of this, Amir made it his life goal to shine in his father's eyes, and the way he plans to accomplish this is by winning the kite flying tournament.
Amir looks to his only friend Hassan to help him win over his father. He and Hassan grew up together, and although Hassan is a servant, they love each other on a deeper level, as if they were brothers. But the friendship isn't equal; Hassan is devoted to Amir, he loves him unconditionally and would do anything for him, and while Amir also loves Hassan, he has no problem messing with him and using hime when he needs to. And in the task of making his father proud by winning the contest, Amir needed to use Hassan. The won the contest, and Hassan went to run down the kite, but he is stopped and harassed by Assef. Amir ran after Hassan, looking for the loser's kite that he thought as the key to his father's heart, to see Hassan be harassed and raped. Instead of stepping in and standing to Assef and defending his best friend, he runs. In his selfishness he was scared of being hurt by Assef, and when he found Hassan a bit after, he looked to see if he had the kite first.
Children have trouble dealing with things that are horrible and disturbing, maybe so much though that they don't really understand what is happening. Amir felt that way, and instead of revealing how he had failed Hassan, he kept quiet, and didn't tell anyone. He had been in danger, and like most kids, he responded to the danger by running, protecting himself over anything else. He had witnessed sexual abuse, and his experience became traumatic.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network explains, "The witnessing of violence, serious injury, or grotesque death can be equally traumatic. In traumatic situations, we experience immediate threat to ourselves or to others, often followed by serious injury or harm. We feel terror, helplessness, or horror because of the extreme seriousness of what is happening and the failure of any way to protect against or reverse the harmful outcome,". What Amir felt and how he reacted is common for children, and even adults. In his mind he had failed Hassan, and instead of helping him after the fact by telling and adult and getting help, he was controlled by his guilt, and also that he did not want to lose the new-found respect that his father felt for him after he had won the tournament. He was selfish, but also did not really know what to do or how to react the the trauma he had experienced. Children can react by silence, not talking about it, in the hope that it will magically never have happened. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network says, "we may try our best to avoid any situation, person, or place that reminds us of what happened, fighting hard to keep the thoughts, feelings, and images from coming back. We may even "forget" some of the worst parts of the experience, while continuing to react to reminders of those moments,". Amir actively avoids Hassan, and even suggests to his father to consider new servants.
Amir had achieved his goal to bond with his father, but his guilt held him down, and he didn't feel deserving. "I finally had what I'd wanted all those years. Except now that I had it, I felt as empty as this unkempt pool I was dangling my legs into, " (pg 85). All he thought about was that he witnessed Hassan being raped and hadn't done anything about it. One night he even said this fact out loud, but everyone who was around was asleep, ""I watched Hassan get raped," I said to no one…A part of me was hoping someone would wake and hear, so I wouldn't have to live with this lie anymore. But no one woke up and in the silence that followed, I understood the nature of my new curse: I was going to get away with it," (pg 86).
Amir had gone great lengths to feel like his father loved him, but it came at the cost of Hassan. Amir underwent traumatic stress, and reacted common ways that a child would, be he was still cowardly. He let his best friend leave all he knew in order to stop the guilt. He took the easy way out, and never stood up for Hassan, he felt that if he did, he would lose his father's love, but instead, he made things worse for himself, and made Hassan, who underwent a whole different level of traumatic stress, feel extremely isolated, depressed and alone. Children look for acceptance, but never truly understand the cost it would take.
Article on Child Traumatic Stress : http://www.nctsn.org/resources/audiences/parents-caregivers/understanding-child-traumatic-stress
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